


How You Say It

by Jayson_is_spacin



Series: To Say "I Love You" [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 100 Ways to Say I Love You Writing Challenge, Alternate Universe - High School, But also a gift, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, How Do I Tag, I Love You, Introspection, It's just logan and patton, Light Angst, Logan has feelings but doesn't understand them, Logan is very smart but also so dumb, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Mostly Fluff, Mutual Pining, Pining Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Roman and Virgil are hardly in this, i didnt really follow that challenge i just wanted a tag, i guess, logan likes astronomy, saying i love you is hard, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26566186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayson_is_spacin/pseuds/Jayson_is_spacin
Summary: Patton says the words "I love you" all of the time, and to nearly everyone.Logan doesn't say it to anyone.Until he does.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: To Say "I Love You" [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048627
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	How You Say It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThechevyTardisof221B](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThechevyTardisof221B/gifts).



> This is dedicated to my Squishy (my QPR)

Patton said it the first time in a group setting. 

Logan had very recently been introduced to Patton. So Logan wasn’t expecting Patton to wrap Roman and Logan in his arms after they said that they would help him with his homework. Logan most certainly wasn’t expecting Patton to say “This is why I love you guys!” Roman had laughed it off and simply said that he loved Patton as well and ruffled his hair. That brought Logan to the conclusion that this was apparently a normal behavior, and as he got to know Patton more, he found out that he was correct.

Patton would say “I love you” to anything and everyone. Logan would assume with anyone else that he didn’t mean it due to the utter frequency, however, he was sure that wasn’t the case with Patton. Every single time he meant it. He meant it when he said it in response to getting a handwritten card, or when someone gave him a donut, or when someone complimented his shirt. Patton has even said it to strangers. Though that happened on fewer occasions.

Logan didn’t feel out of place when he didn’t say anything back when it was just Patton, Roman, and himself. He had observed that Roman was also a very compassionate person that was very driven to emotional responses. The two had also known each other for the entirety of their childhood. So when Roman said that he loved Patton, Logan felt no pressure to say anything. His interpretation of the interactions was that he was merely witnessing something that had happened far before he had been in the picture and did not wish to intrude on their dynamic of “I love you”s. 

This changed, however, when Logan became friends with Virgil and the other slowly became integrated into the friend group as well. 

Now of course Patton accepted Virgil with open arms and an open heart. If he was off-put by his dark appearance, he said nothing. Virgil was Logan’s friend, that was good enough for him. Roman, however, did show some resistance to the teen clad in purple and black. Roman and Virgil would hiss insults back and forth while Patton tried to keep the peace and Logan secretly kept score. Eventually, the insults between Virgil and Roman became less harsh and more playful, while Patton adopted Virgil as his new son. Among all of the change and the shifting of the dynamics, Patton continued to throw around his “I love you”s, and Roman would return them. 

But when Virgil said it back, Logan didn’t know how to react.

It was simple really. The four of them were at lunch, something they did every school day. Virgil had bought a cookie in the lunch line and without saying anything, he wordlessly handed it to Patton. This earned a happy squeal and a hug from him and an “I love you! Now I have two cookies!”

Virgil had just laughed and shook his head, amused by his friend’s reaction. “I love you too Pat. That’s for helping out yesterday.”

Logan didn’t even hear the rest of the conversation. Virgil just said it. He said it effortlessly as if he had said it 1,000 times before. It wasn’t something just reserved for Roman and Patton because they have known each other since their childhood. Virgil said it. Logan hasn’t. Logan has known Patton longer, yet he hasn’t said it.

Apparently, his turmoil was apparent on his face because Roman put his hand on his shoulder and asked if he was alright. Logan stood and dismissed himself to the library before he could raise any further suspicion. (This of course raised further suspicion.)

Logan sat down in his usual spot in the library and pulled out his book, but he didn’t even flip the page. He couldn’t focus. His mind was running in circles. 

Logan didn’t say those three words. He could hardly remember the last time he did. He wasn’t quite sure what love even is. He knew that he cared for his parents and respected them. They took care of him, but they never told him that they loved him so he never said it either. How can he say that he loves someone if he doesn’t know if he does or not? How can he know if he loves someone who he had just met and has only known for a few years and not his entire life? How can he know when there are so many variants of love, such as platonic and romantic? How can he ensure that his words cannot get misconstrued? Logan did not believe in saying something unless he is 100% certain it is true. This is typically why he avoided this train of thought, why he avoided complicated emotions. He never quite knew how to approach them. 

He preferred math and science because it is predictable. Everything has one outcome. You can talk about theories and philosophies, get into debates, but at the end of the day, nothing can change facts and statistics. Solid numbers. They grounded him. They gave him something to stand upon. When emotions were thrown into the mix, even his own, it is confusing. You can not give love a number. Emotions do not have a statistic. They are hard to understand. He chooses to avoid them and stick to what he knows. So he sat in the library, pretending to read while he thought about love and what that word even meant to him. 

Patton continued to share his love, oblivious to Logan's turmoil. Roman and Virgil continued to verbally return it (though Virgil did return it less than Roman). They said it when Roman got cast as the lead in the school play, when Patton asked them to all be his platonic valentines, and when Virgil made them a playlist that combined their music tastes. Every time Logan was quiet while they exchanged “I love you”s.

Patton said it just to Logan when he found a cat plushie at the store and randomly bought it for Patton. Instead of a normal thank you, Patton said “Oh my gosh! It’s so cute! I love you!” and hugged Logan tightly, causing him to tense. Patton could tell something was wrong and broke the hug almost immediately. “Sorry Lo. I know you’re not big on touch. I was just so excited and-“

“No, the hug was fine.” Logan was quick to reassure him that he didn’t do anything wrong.

Patton paused and held the giant stuffed cat in his arms. “Then what’s wrong? Did I do something?”

Logan shook his head. “You haven’t done anything.”

Patton’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Then what is it?”

“I...I haven’t said it yet.” Logan said softly. He wasn’t making eye contact at the moment, deciding instead to look at the ground.

Patton was quiet for a moment. “Said...what?”

“I haven’t said it back, but Roman and Virgil have.” Logan hoped that was enough. That he didn’t need to say it. He didn’t want to say the words. Not now. That didn’t feel...right.

The room was silent as Patton thought for a moment, he let out a soft ‘oh’ before he carefully set the plushy down and grabbed Logan’s hand. “Is this about me saying I love you?” He asked softly, earning a nod. “You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to, Logan.”

“It...it isn’t that I don’t...want to. I just…” Logan groaned. This was frustrating.

Patton pulled him over and had him sit on the couch, he handed him the plushie that Logan had just bought for him. Logan absentmindedly ran his hands over the soft texture as he tried to sort through his thoughts. “Take your time.” Patton urged softly.

After a few moments of silence and several pets on the fake cat, Logan took a deep breath before he spoke. “I don’t want to say it if I don’t know if it is true but I am unsure if I would even be able to tell if it was. I do not say it to my family or anybody else with my life.”

Patton nodded. “That’s okay Logan. I wish I knew about this sooner so that I could tell you this but it’s okay. It’s okay to be unsure. Love is confusing, I know I love you because you’re my friend and that’s enough for me, but that may not be enough for you. You don’t have to do or say anything if you don’t want to.” Patton gently squeezed his hand.

Logan nodded. “Okay.”

After that, it became a little bit easier when the group shared their “I love you”s to stay silent. He still felt slightly alienated, but it was easier. He knew that if he didn’t want to, he didn’t have to. That Patton didn’t mind. That he wasn’t waiting for him to say it. 

Patton and him began to have a separate movie night with just the two of them due to the fact that they bonded over their shared love of Doctor Who. Occasionally Patton would say it to him, at first he would pause and apologize, but Logan would assure him it was fine. The two slipped into a routine of watching things together on Thursday nights before the Friday nights with the entire group. The Thursdays contained “I love yous” reserved only for Logan...until they didn’t anymore. They would sit cuddled close on the couch...until Patton asked for space. They never missed a single Thursday...until Patton missed one due to “homework” that he refused Logan’s help on.

Logan was growing concerned. Patton’s behavior was odd. He wasn’t sure why he was acting this way. He was going to ask him about it on Thursday, but he didn’t show up. Logan waited another week. A week of Patton acting...strange. He seemed fine when around their other friends but when he was only around Logan did the odd behavior begin. Logan came to the conclusion that he must have done something to upset him but when he asked Roman all he said was “it’s not my secret to tell.”

When Patton came to Logan’s house and sat on the opposite side of the couch, Logan paused the show and looked at him. “What is wrong?”

Patton went rigid. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Did I do something?”

Patton’s eyes widened. “No! Logan why do you think that?”

“You stopped saying it...just to me,” Logan said softly. It hurt. It hurt much more than it should. Logan didn’t realize how much Patton saying it to him meant until he stopped. He missed it.

Patton looked at him, just now realizing what he had done. “I...I’m sorry Logan…”

“What did I do?” Logan asked, hardly above a whisper. . He needed to know what he did to deserve to lose that. It had become something special. The words used to scare him but it quickly became words that he enjoyed hearing from Patton.

Patton shook his head and reached for Logan’s hand. “You didn’t do anything...I stopped saying it because it...I love you.”

Logan paused and looked at him. “I...I don’t understand.” Why would he stop saying it if it was true?

Patton smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “No, I...Logan, I love you romantically. I know you probably don’t-“

“Why did you stop?” Logan asked instead of responding to the confession. “If it was still true, why did you stop?”

Patton paused. “I...I guess because saying it after falling in love with you would be like telling you? Romantic love has more...weight than platonic love...and just…”

“Oh…” Logan said softly.

“I know you probably don’t like me back.”

Logan looked at him. “I like you, Patton. I greatly look forward to Thursday nights.” 

Patton looked a little taken aback. “But…”

“Has...did I not make it clear that when I offered for you to come to my house the first Thursday it was intended to be a date?”

Patton’s eyes widened. “What?”

So apparently Logan found out that simply asking a friend to “spend more time together individually” is not enough to clarify that it is intended to be a romantic outing. Patton found out that he was panicking for 2 weeks about Logan not returning his feelings when he had apparently “asked him out” a month before then. They had agreed to officially label themselves as boyfriends after that and do their best to avoid confusing each other in the future. (Virgil and Roman laughed so hard when they found out the next day.)

Once more, what was "normal" shifted within the friend group. Logan and Patton sat side by side, occasionally holding hands, or with Patton leaning against Logan’s shoulder. Patton would still share “I love you”s with the group, but said more towards Logan directly. Logan’s were special. Logan’s “I love you”s were said softer, with a kiss, a hand squeeze, or with a wordless action that let Logan know he wanted his hair to be played with. That made it easier for Logan to forget that he never said it back.

But there are only so many times that you can forget. Logan didn’t forget when they sat together looking up at the stars, he looked at Patton in the light of only the moon after Patton had just listened to him ramble about constellations. Patton looked at him like he was the one who put the stars in the sky. Patton said it then. He didn’t. Logan didn’t forget when they sat together in Patton’s room. Logan was reading quietly while Patton hummed along to his music in his earbuds. Patton had gotten excited as one of his favorite songs played and unplugged his earbuds, he had pulled Logan up, and the two twirled and danced together as Patton sang. He sang until he was out of breath and they collapsed into each other’s arms onto the bed. He said it then. Logan didn’t. Logan didn’t forget when they kissed for the first time. Logan was wet due to the fact that he insisted that he go get eggs for Patton to make cookies even though it was pouring rain. Patton told him that he loved him as soon as he came back and kissed him. He didn’t say it back.

Logan was currently over at Patton’s house as they watched WALL-E. Patton was snuggled up close to Logan’s chest as they both curled up under the blanket. Patton was relaxed and happy. He was listening more than watching the movie due to the number of times the couple has seen it. 

“I love you.” Patton murmured into Logan’s chest.

At that, Logan reached for the remote and the peaceful Patton was disturbed and now confused by his boyfriend's urgency. Logan paused the film and looked at Patton, face stoic. Patton looked up at him confused. “Logie what-“

“Are you hurt that I haven’t said it back?” 

Patton paused and blinked at him for a moment. “I...no...you say it other ways.”

Logan paused. “What?”

Patton sat up so he could look at Logan properly. “You know...like how you will stop whatever you’re doing when I text you I’m sad, and you do whatever you can to help. How I’m pretty much the only person who you like to hug or have any sort of physical contact with. Or how you remember my favorite foods and snacks. You know that I want you to play with my hair or be cuddled even when I don’t ask.”

Patton readjusted and Logan almost immediately adjusted to hold him in their "hair playing position". “See?” Patton smiled. He proved his point. But he kept going.

“You show it when you want to help me cook even though you don’t really know how you say it’s because you want to learn, but I know it’s just an excuse to spend more time with me. You bought a separate case of allergy pills that you keep on you at all times because you know that if I see a cat I can’t resist petting it. You also buy me so much cat stuff because I can’t get a cat because I’m allergic.” Patton leaned into Logan’s hands as they gently played with his hair. Patton knew Logan liked playing with his hair as they talked. In a way, it helped him focus. Patton needed him to focus on what he was saying. It was just an added bonus that it felt nice.

“There’s a reason that I kissed you when you got me those eggs. You went out in the rain just so I could do something that made me happy. You told me that you loved me by doing that, so I wanted to do something that showed how much I loved you. Or that time when we danced in my room? You don’t like dancing. You always say you can’t. I made you stop reading, it was something you like to do and I made you stop, but you were smiling. You said it then. When we saw the stars, you rambled about Rigel and said it reminded you of me because it was one of the brightest stars in the night sky.” Patton adjusted in Logan’s arms, wrapping his arms around his neck and rested his forehead on his. “Logan, you told me then. You don’t have to say the words ‘I love you’ to say it.” 

Logan didn’t realize that he was crying until Patton gently wiped them away. “You don’t have to say it now. Just when you’re ready. Okay, honeybee?”

Logan just nodded.

The rest of that night Patton was curled up against his chest as they watched the remainder of the movie. 

Logan did eventually say it back. It was a quiet moment. Patton was humming as he worked on something for his art class while Logan read. Patton had asked for a colored pencil that was out of reach and thanked Logan with a quick kiss on the cheek and a simple “I love you.” The room had been too quiet for him and he simply wished to break the silence.

“I love you too.”

Patton had put the pencil to the paper but paused, moving it away. He looked at Logan who had already gone back to his book. Patton went back to his own work and continued humming, this time an even happier song and a brighter smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! I wrote this for my Squishy and decided to post it as well. My Squishy loves Logicality and well...remove the part where things get romantic and I'm Logan and they're Patton. I Have an Issue with saying "I Love you" and they are sorta helping me get over that. So this fic means a lot to me for several reasons. It's a bit of a vent gift? If that makes any sort of sense.
> 
> I wanted to try and write a fic where it is clear that Logan does in fact had emotions but just has some trouble expressing them, that is something I feel doesn't get expressed enough. 
> 
> I also wanted to emphasize that Platonic love is important due to the importance in my life that my QPR is...so I'm not sure if I achieved it, but I tried.


End file.
